Last week I did a Twitter search to find out what people were saying about feminism. One of the most common phrases I came across was, I’m not a feminist, but…. This phrase was stated almost exclusively by women, and was followed by a complaint of something that was unfair to women. Why are so many women turned off by feminism? Is it negative associations to the term feminist, or are they actually against sexual equality? What do women mean when they say, I’m not a feminist? Feminism is defined as political, economic, and social equality of the sexes. Feminists are believers and advocates for sexual equality. I’m curious, do people who actively deny being feminist know what a feminist is, and if so, what specifically about feminism are they opposed to?
I understand not wanting to be labeled. I voted almost exclusively for democratic candidates for years before I was willing to label myself a democrat. Even though I’ll say I’m a democrat if asked, I’d still like to believe I make my decisions based on individual candidates, and on issues, not down party line. You may also notice the purpose of my blog and website is to address issues effecting females today, mostly gender inequality, and harmful gender stereotypes, but I rarely use the term feminist, even though I am an advocate for equality. I will not deny being a feminist, but I have found the use of the word to be a turnoff to a lot of the mainstream audience.
For anyone who has ever denied being a feminist, Why? I would guess that many of those who dislike the label do believe in sexual equality, at least to some extent. What they may not realize is that feminist does not mean: man hater, bitter, extreme, against all that’s feminine, anti-sex, or any other negative connotations you may have. There are male feminists, female feminists, and feminists who have all kinds of different beliefs about what equality means, and what it takes to reach equality. I don’t doubt you can find feminists who fit the stereotype of the bitter, man-hater, but there are many who don’t.
You don’t have to be aggressive, or subscribe to a certain set of beliefs to consider yourself a feminist. For example, I’m happily married. My husband and I don’t act in strict accordance with gender roles. We do what works best for us. Some of those things are in accordance with traditional gender roles, others are not. If the traditional gender roles work best for those involved in their own relationships, I have no problem with that. I would also not judge a man harshly for taking on traditionally female roles, like being a primary caretaker of his children, or for working as a nurse. Most men have some feminine traits, most women have some masculine traits, and that’s generally considered desirable. People should do what works best for them, but men and women should not be limited by, or judged based solely on their gender. When it comes to gender equality, my focus is mainly on the sexual double standard, and the harm in the limitations and expectations sexism creates.
Whether or not you identify yourself as a feminist, think about why feminism gets such a bad rap. I would imagine the main reason feminism got a bad rap initially is because the idea of women having power was historically controversial, and their are still people who are uncomfortable with the idea of women being treated as equals. First, the people who actively label themselves feminists, as with any other type of label we give ourselves, tend to identify strongly with the feminist cause. This means they tend to be passionate about it, and therefore may get more fired up about inequality then others. You don’t have to be part of a formal organization to be a feminist. You only have to have the courage to publicly admit you believe in sexual equality. Secondly, feminists want social, economic, and political equality between the sexes in a world where men still hold most of the power, and that’s scary to some people.
What do the rest of you think?
I can answer why the idea of feminism is offputting to me: Julie Bindel.
Also, feminists seem to see gender as black and white – male or female. What about people who are transgendered, which covers a whole range from those who were born in the wrong body and have had corrective medical treatment and surgery through to those who just feel the need to crossdress now and then? I don’t think anything is as black and white as male or female, without excluding others.
I’m very heavily invested in women’s groups, women’s studies, and how the world affects me not only as just a person, but more specifically as a woman. However, I don’t define myself as a woman. More precisely, I don’t look at the world through a woman’s eyes. I am a person first, a woman second.
Most all of the women I would call feminists (they have labeled themselves this), let that define them, choose for that to define them. And that’s where I think the turn-off starts for other people who aren’t already involved.
For example,Scientologists are first and foremost Scientologists. Nothing they say or do will let you forget that they are Scientologists and they will have you know they are fighting the good fight with every breath they take. Every waking moment is Scientology-related. And that’s how the femininsts that i’ve known have been. They don’t seem to see the world around them with any sort of happiness because that moment of happiness is wasted – they could have been educating someone, they could have been defending someone, they could have been protesting something. Their beliefs override everything else about their person. You can’t talk about the weather without gettng into a discussion about how female weather reporters are objectified. You can’t talk about how you’re having an awesome hair day without them saying something along the lines of, “You know, you don’t HAVE to fix your hair just because your husband/boyfriend/society wants you to.”
Not all of these ladies are like this, obviously. But in all my comings and goings, this has been a recurring theme among people (not just women) who label themselves as feminists. I think that’s the main reason people are so hesitant to become too involved not in just the movement itself, but they’re also skittish about the people involved because I think they feel if they aren’t 100% at all times minding their Ps and Qs, they’re going to get a tongue-lashing from someone. Making a joke like Glenn Beck did is what the norm is for people, however wrong it may be. So rather than try and change the way they think or see things, they avoid avoid avoid just in case they slip and say something offensive. It’s why a lot of white people only want to be around white people: you can make fun of each other knowing you’re not going to cross a line.
I am no way labeling ALL feminists as being this way, let me just say that again for the record. I just wanted to offer a perspective from someone who can see both sides of this and give you a completely long-winded answer. LOL
Also, a lot of women only want equality when it suits them. When they’re out on a date and the man wants to pay because that’s his preferred gender role, hey, sure, go right ahead! It suits me best that I get a free meal, so tonight let’s play it that way. When it comes to Selective Service, I don’t hear these same feminists complaining that women should also be forced to sign up, or that it should be half and half. I think that’s a huge part of the controversy and the avoidance. I’m not saying it’s okay…i’m just saying I can see where people are a bit iffy when they don’t take the time to try and understand that each feminist is a separate person entirely and we don’t all go to meetings and throw rocks at boys as they pass by.
Thanks. Keep the Comments Coming. You make some great points. I have a few more thoughts to share in reaction, but I’ll have to come back to this later.
I agree with the author in that some people who oppose feminism or have a negative attitude even towards the word, feminist, are ignorant. Somewhere down the line, the word feminism became, as you described, man-hater, bitter…. I have asked both men and women when they describe a “feminist” woman as being a man-hater, why they subscribe to such a limited definition. More precisely, I ask, “Why don’t you want women and men to be equal? Some have given me a kind of odd look as the initial response, which is funny to me because it shows me, that they really do not know what the word means.